Fine. I'll sleep in my office
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
