so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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