i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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