one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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