that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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