Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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