what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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