I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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