i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
