I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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