the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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