Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
