I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
