My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
