i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
