My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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