It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The adults are the big ones right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
