omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
