I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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