Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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