You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
