Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
