I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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