I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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