Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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