Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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