So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
