Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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