he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
