Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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