capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
