K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
