I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
