Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
