I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
