He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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