I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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