Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
