I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
