I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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