I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
