Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will be naked everywhere
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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