I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize