hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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