Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
