we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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