I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
