I hate your face
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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