I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
