I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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