Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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