just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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