I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
