I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
