someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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