She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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