why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
