the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
