A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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