Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
