I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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