Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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